Have you ever seen a tantrum get out of control in the supermarket? Have you felt frustrated in a similar moment with your children? Being a mom or dad involves an intense emotional journey – here’s why.We react to what happens around us. We perceive through what we hear, smell, see, taste or touch. Our senses are always alert, sending us signals when something isn’t quite right.Think about how you would feel if you were walking down a lonely street and heard footsteps behind you, getting closer and closer. Little by little, your senses and your past experiences create a context for what you’re living. When those footsteps get very close and the person touches your shoulder, your heart rate is already elevated and your emotions start sending you messages about what is happening.In this situation, we usually have two options: run or hit. What would you do?Either reaction would be normal, driven by external information that generated physiological changes in your body and pushed you to act in some way.Emotions are reactions that are triggered in response to a stimulus, event or situation, and that lead to an action. There are as many emotions as there are colours we know. The most common ones are fear, joy, anger, surprise, sadness and disgust. We call these basic emotions, and they are expressed with the same facial expressions all over the world.Something very important is that emotions are fleeting – they last only a few seconds. Once you feel them, you can’t avoid them. They are messengers, because each emotion appears to tell you that something is happening and that you need to pay attention to it.Understanding emotions is not easy – especially when you are 3, 4 or 5 years old and your brain is still developing. In order to have control over emotions, and avoid situations like the one we described at the beginning, it is important to have control over our actions. This happens when the prefrontal cortex in our brain is fully developed – and that doesn’t happen until we are about 25 or 30 years old! Perhaps now you can see that your children need you, your mature prefrontal cortex, to help them understand what they feel, what the emotion they experience is called, what happens if they cross a limit and how they can solve a problem.When we talk about emotions in the family, it is always necessary that adults first understand how to regulate what they feel, and only then move on to the children. That’s why we’re sharing a brief process you can use when a situation starts to overwhelm you:Stop!Whatever is happening, pause and focus on your breathing.Identify where you feel it.Let the emotion be expressed and notice in which part of the body you are feeling it.Name it and receive the message.Name what you feel based on what you know or have experienced before. Then, identify the message that emotion has for you in relation to the situation you are going through.Transform it.If what you feel feels heavy or unpleasant, try to transform it into something that is more helpful for you and for those around you.These four steps can help you manage the intense emotions you are feeling or that are making you uncomfortable. Remember that all emotions are valid – there are no good or bad emotions, just some that feel pleasant and others that feel unpleasant.Now, how can we help our children regulate their emotions? In reality, it is not that complicated; we just need to take into account what we observe and what they can express about what they feel. Here are some suggestions:Help them name what they feel.How? When you see that they are having trouble finishing a task, tell them it seems like they are getting frustrated because they can’t do it, and help them feel comfortable with that sensation.Be their role model.How? If, when you get angry, you shout or stop talking to them, they will learn that this is how anger should be expressed. When you feel that way, tell them that you’re not reacting well and that you’re going to take a moment to breathe.Talk in a natural way.How? Put aside the typical questions we ask when they come out of school or arrive from an activity. Instead, look for a calm moment and talk in a simple, close and natural way. As you listen, try to recognise some emotions through their facial expressions and gestures.Validate their emotions.How? Let them know that you hear them and that what they feel is okay. This helps them understand that their emotions are important and respected.Set limits.How? The idea is to validate what they feel, but not necessarily what they do with what they feel – especially if they hurt others or themselves. For example, if you see that when they get angry they hit, you should validate that the emotion is anger about something that happened, but clarify that this is not a reason to hurt anyone and look for a way to calm that anger.Play at guessing other people’s emotions.How? Try to work out, through stories or films, what the characters are feeling in different situations. This helps them realise that everyone is feeling things all the time.Stay calm.How? Practise a few minutes of simple breathing techniques or quiet time, in which you can be silent and at peace.Emotions change constantly and sometimes they don’t come one by one. That’s when that whirlwind of sensations can become overwhelming. Remember that all emotions are necessary in life. If you feel you need help from a professional, seek it out as an act of love and responsibility towards yourself and your family.With us, your children study in a trusting environment where they can express their emotions naturally while building healthy self-esteem. This supports their holistic development and helps them grow in a way that will serve them well in adult life.
