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Have you ever seen a tantrum get out of control at the supermarket? Have you ever felt frustrated in a similar situation with your children? Being a parent involves an intense emotional journey—here’s why.
People react to what happens around them. We perceive through what we hear, smell, see, taste, or touch. Our senses are always on alert to send us signals when something isn’t right.
Think about how you would feel if you were walking down a lonely street and heard footsteps behind you getting closer and closer. Little by little, your senses and past experiences create a context for what you are living. When those footsteps get even closer and the person touches your shoulder, your heart is already racing, and your emotions start sending you messages about what is happening.
In this situation, people usually have two options: run or fight. What would you do?
Either choice would be a normal reaction, driven by external information that triggered physiological changes in your body and motivated you to act in some way.
Emotions are reactions that are triggered in response to a stimulus, event, or situation and lead to action. There are as many emotions as there are colors. The most common ones are fear, joy, anger, surprise, sadness, and disgust. We call these basic emotions, and they are represented with the same facial expressions all over the world.
Something very important to remember is that emotions are fleeting; they last only a few seconds. Once you feel them, you can’t avoid them. They are messengers—each emotion shows up to tell you something is happening, something that requires your attention.
Understanding emotions isn’t easy especially if you are 3, 4, or 5 years old and your brain is still developing. To be able to control emotions—and to avoid situations like the one we mentioned earlier it’s important to first control our actions. This only becomes possible when the prefrontal cortex in our brain is fully developed and that doesn’t happen until we are about 25 or 30 years old! Now you can see why your children need you, your mature prefrontal cortex to help them understand what they are feeling, what the emotion is called, what happens when they cross a limit, or how to solve a problem.
When it comes to emotions in the family, adults must first understand how to regulate their own emotions before helping their children. Here is a simple process you can follow when a situation starts to overwhelm you:
- Stop! Whatever is happening, pause and focus on your breathing.
- Identify where you feel it. Let the emotion show itself and notice where in your body you feel it.
- Name it and receive its message. Name what you’re feeling based on what you know or have experienced before. Then, discover the message this emotion has for you in the context of what is happening.
- Transform it. If what you feel is heavy or unpleasant, try to transform it into something more positive for yourself and those around you.
These four steps can help you manage the overwhelming emotions you may be feeling. Remember: all emotions are valid—there are no “good” or “bad” emotions, only some that feel pleasant and others that feel unpleasant.
How to Help Children Regulate Their Emotions Helping children regulate emotions isn’t as complicated as it may seem. You just need to pay attention to what you observe and what they express about how they feel. Here are some recommendations:
- Help them name what they feel. How? When you see them struggling to finish a task, tell them it seems like they’re feeling frustrated because they can’t complete it, and help them feel comfortable with that emotion.
- Be their role model. How? If you shout or stop talking to them when you’re angry, they’ll learn that this is how anger should be expressed. Instead, tell them you’re not reacting well and that you’ll take a moment to breathe.
- Have natural conversations. How? Avoid the typical questions we ask after school or activities. Instead, find a quiet moment to talk casually and closely. While listening, try to recognize emotions through their expressions.
- Validate their emotions. How? Let them know you hear them and that what they feel is okay. This helps them understand that their emotions matter and deserve respect.
- Set boundaries. How? It’s about validating what they feel, but not what they do with those feelings especially if they hurt themselves or others. For example, if they hit when angry, validate the emotion but make it clear that aggression isn’t acceptable and help them find better ways to calm down.
- Play emotion games. How? Try to guess what characters in stories or movies are feeling in different situations. This helps children realize that everyone experiences emotions all the time.
- Practice calm moments. How? Spend a few minutes practicing simple breathing exercises or moments of quiet and peace.
Emotions change constantly, and sometimes they come in waves, overwhelming us with many feelings at once. Remember: all emotions are essential for life. If you feel you need professional help, seek it as an act of love and responsibility toward yourself and your family.
With us, your children learn in an environment of trust where they can express their emotions naturally, build self-esteem, and grow in ways that support their full development and prepare them for life as confident, emotionally healthy adults.